Frankie's Choice
by Josiecat
Summary: After Frank's demise, he finds himself faced with an uncomfortable choice to make in order to determine his fate for all of eternity. Finished!
1. Life in the Afterlife

Standard issue disclaimer:  I do not own Frank N. Furter, nor any other RHPS character that may make an appearance in this little saga.  Nor am I appropriating any of them for my own profit…just my own amusement, and hopefully that of a reader or two…

**********

Frank N. Furter was confused.

The last thing he remembered was climbing the curtained backdrop in the ballroom, in a desperate attempt to escape from a certain laser-wielding handyman.  Now, he had no idea _where _he was.  All he could see was fog, more than a little reminiscent of the view outside the windows of the castle as it had passed through the clouds upon its descent into Denton.

The mists surrounding him were so thick he could barely see his own body.  Funny…he could _see _it, still clad in the glittering bright red corset, but he couldn't _feel _it.  He put out his hand and tried to touch his opposite shoulder, but his hand passed through his form as if there were nothing there at all.  Suddenly, he understood.

He was dead.

Really and truly _dead_.  Riff Raff, his seemingly "faithful handyman," had actually _killed _him.  Frank couldn't believe it.  How _dare _he!  All right, even Frank had to admit he wasn't always the most benevolent of masters, but that was his prerogative.  He was, after all, royalty – the _Crown Prince_, no less.  It was his right to treat his servants however he saw fit, and it was their duty to take it.  Everyone _knows _that!  Unfortunately, apparently Riff Raff and his sister Magenta had neglected to pay attention to that particular page in the Servant's Guide to Working for Royalty.

As Frank stood there, fuming, the mists began to dissipate, and a room began to come into view.  Not just _any_ room, however…it was easily the most spectacular room he had ever seen, making even the Throne Room in the Royal Palace of Transsexual look ever-so-slightly shabby.  There were marble walls and marble floors; beautiful area rugs and elegant furniture; artwork on the walls and statues on the tables.  Best of all was the ceiling, depicting gorgeous nymphs and satyrs entwined in couples and in groups, disporting themselves in a most imaginative and erotic fashion.

Frank was engrossed in trying to figure out exactly how many participants were involved in one particularly interesting assemblage when he suddenly heard the unmistakable sound of someone clearing his throat.  Startled, he looked over and saw a young man, clad in golden robes and looking at him with an amused expression on his handsome face.

_Ah, perhaps things are looking up.  _However, before Frank could say a word, the young man spoke.

"Prince Frank N. Furter, I presume?"

Frank gave the young man his most charming smile.  "Yes, that's right, although I prefer…er, _preferred_…to go by _Dr. _Frank N. Furter."

His companion nodded and wrote something in a notebook he held in his hand.  "Duly noted.  However, you were not scheduled to arrive for many years yet.  What brings you here now?"

Frank rolled his eyes.  "I had some assistance from my servant, Riff Raff…obviously _not _the kind of assistance I sought from him."

The young man flipped through several pages in the notebook, then nodded again.  "Ah, yes, I see."  He read in silence for a minute or two before looking back at Frank.  "My name is Orestes.  It is my job to greet you upon your arrival in the afterlife, and answer any questions you may have before your audience with Her Divine Goddess, Riana."

Without thinking, Frank murmured, "She actually exists…"

Orestes smiled at him.  "I know you scientists frequently have trouble believing in the existence of a Supreme Being, but yes, She exists…as you will see firsthand very shortly.  Are there any questions I can answer for you in the meantime?"

Frank felt a lead weight settling into the pit of his stomach.  As he quickly looked back over the events of his life, he began to suspect his interview with that "Supreme Being" might not be particularly pleasant.  In a somewhat nervous tone, he asked, "What does She intend to discuss with me?"

Orestes took another quick glance in his notebook.  Choosing his words carefully, he replied, "She will review the way you lived your life…"

Oh, damn… 

"…And present your alternatives for your afterlife."

Frank frowned.  "My 'alternatives'?  What does that mean?"

Orestes sighed.  "I'm afraid that will have to come from Her directly.  Please make yourself comfortable; She will join you shortly." 

With that, Orestes walked out of the room, leaving Frank to his thoughts.  He looked back up at the ceiling in an attempt to distract himself, but even the beautiful and graphic portrayals of some of his favorite activities failed to capture his attention.

Frank had never given any thought to the morality or fairness of his actions.  He was taught from his earliest days that he was special; that he was important; that it was everyone's job to cater to him and fulfill his every desire.  For the very first time, it occurred to him a benevolent Supreme Being might disagree with that assessment.

At least he _hoped _She were "benevolent."  If _not…_he knew, beyond the shadow of any doubt, his days of being "catered to" were well and truly over…and that fact would undoubtedly be the _least _of his problems.

_Oh, damn…_  


	2. Pleasure or Punishment?

Author's note:  Thank you so much to the three people who have submitted reviews.  Since I did not finish writing it before I began posting – unlike my usual practice – any encouragement to keep working on it is certainly helpful and appreciated!  

**********

Orestes lied.

Frank had no idea how long he'd been kept waiting, but he _did _know he'd had sufficient time to catalogue every single sexual act depicted in that vast, marvelous ceiling – noting more than a few he'd have loved to have the opportunity to try out.  Now he was restlessly pacing the room, getting more and more nervous as the minutes ticked relentlessly onward.  _"She will join you shortly," indeed._

Finally, he wandered over to one of the sofas and, with an air of defeat, sank down onto it.  Suddenly remembering his disembodied state, he sprang up in a panic, thinking he would pass right through the cushions.  However, after a moment's reflection, he realized that hadn't happened, and he gingerly sat down again.  Perched on the very edge of the cushion, he closed his eyes and tried not to think about what was going to happen to him.

He thought back to his childhood religious training…not that religion was ever considered all that important by his family.  He tried his best to remember what he'd been taught about Riana, and could come up with nothing more specific than that She was supposed to be wise and all-powerful.  That was all fine and good, but it gave him no hint of how She might intend to deal with him now.

At long last, he sensed, rather than heard, that he was no longer alone in the room.  Opening his eyes, he saw…Her.

She was obviously a woman of "mature" years, but She possessed an ageless air of dignity and elegance that gave Her presence a suitable air of gravity.  Her hair was snow-white, thick, and extraordinarily long, hanging almost to her knees.  Her eyes were an icy, clear blue, and Frank felt a shiver go through his body when those eyes locked with his.  It was as if She could see right through to his soul…assuming a soul was something he actually possessed.

He stood up hastily, but before he could approach Her or utter a word, She held out Her hand to stop him.  He stood still, confused and frightened, and watched a smile spread across Her face.  The smile seemed to hold a wealth of information, but he realized he was either too stupid or too nervous to interpret it.  

Even under the present stressful circumstances, Frank's pride reasserted itself.  The thought flitted unbidden through his brain, "Let's just go with 'nervous,' shall we?" 

Cutting off his thoughts, She finally spoke.  "Dr. Furter.  This is certainly a surprise."

Frank swallowed hard, took a deep breath, and replied, "It is a surprise to me as well…um…" He sighed.  "I apologize, but I'm afraid I don't know how you wish to be addressed."

She shrugged.  "There is no need to stand on ceremony.  You may call me Riana.  It is, after all, my name."

Frank nodded slowly and attempted to force a smile onto his face.  "Very well…Riana.  You may, of course, call me Frank."

He tried to keep from rolling his eyes at the inanity of his own comment.  He said to himself, "You may call me anything you wish, as long as you do not condemn me to eternal torment..." 

Her smile took on a rather ironic edge, and Frank realized, to his horror, She could obviously read his mind.  He desperately tried to erase any and all thoughts from his brain, especially concentrating on _not _looking at that damn ceiling.

Still smiling, She waved him back toward the sofa.  "Please, Frank, have a seat.  We might as well conduct our discussion in comfort."

Obediently, he sat back down on the sofa, and Riana settled down in an overstuffed armchair right next to him.  Once seated, She withdrew a small notebook from a pocket within Her robes.  Frank recognized it as the same notebook Orestes had been carrying.

She opened the notebook and began reading, although Frank had the distinct impression She was already perfectly familiar with its contents.  After two or three minutes' perusal, She looked at Frank with an arched eyebrow.  

"My, my, Frank.  You certainly accomplished a great deal in a relatively brief length of time."

Frank smiled proudly.  "Thank you."

The eyebrow arched higher.  "That was not necessarily a compliment."

The smile quickly faded from his face.  "Oh."

Returning Her attention to the notebook, Riana flipped through several pages in quick succession.  Frank frowned, wondering what the pages contained.  Again reading his thoughts, She said, "These pages contain the names of all your lovers.  I wonder how many of the names inscribed here would mean anything to you, were I to read them aloud?"

Frank knew better than to attempt to lie to Her.  "Very few, I would assume."

Riana nodded, somewhat grimly.  "Yes, I would assume the same."  She looked back down at the notebook and read without further comment until She reached the last page.  With cool deliberation, She closed the book and looked at Frank with a heavy sigh.  Frank fought the urge to look away from her faintly accusatory gaze.

"You do realize, Frank, that you were merely royalty, _not _a deity…correct?"

Frank blinked at her.  "I beg your…"

She cut him off.  "The power to give, and take, life should be mine, and mine alone.  You, however, took it upon yourself to do _both _those things."

For quite possibly the first time since he had learned to talk, Frank was at a complete and total loss for words.  Finally, he stammered, "I simply thought…"

He was, again, not permitted to finish his sentence.  Instead, Riana elected to do it for him.  "You simply thought you were entitled to do whatever you wished to do, because of who you were."

Frank attempted to defend himself.  "I was working to advance scientific knowledge.  My discovery could have been of immense benefit to the people of Transylvania."

Riana rolled Her eyes and laughed.  "Frank, you need to remember to whom you are speaking.  I know full well your motivations for attempting to discover the secret to life itself.  You wanted to possess power nobody before you ever had, and you wanted to exercise that power for your _own_ benefit, not for the benefit of the Transylvanian people.  And your murder of that Earthling biker…precisely how did _that_ advance scientific knowledge?"

Frank could only stare at Riana helplessly.  Shaking Her head, she commented, "Your murder of Eddie was, to put it bluntly, a temper tantrum, a way of striking out at someone who had stolen the spotlight from you.  It was, in a way, characteristic of your entire approach to life.  For all your intellectual brilliance, your emotional development never matured much beyond the level of early childhood.  Small children believe they are the center of the universe; you never outgrew that childish belief.  That monumental self-centeredness, combined with the power your position granted you, made you an exceedingly dangerous individual.  Not precisely _evil, _but dangerous."  Pausing for a moment, She sighed deeply.  When She picked up Her train of thought, Her voice had softened slightly.  "Of course, you were not entirely to blame for your emotional immaturity.  You were laboring under a rather significant handicap."

_A **handicap**?_  Despite the gravity of the situation, Frank could not help but be offended by that statement.  He'd had _everything_ going for him!  He was handsome, brilliant, wealthy, powerful…what handicap could he have _possibly _had?

Yet again, She read his thoughts.  "Yes, you had every possible advantage…and _that_ was your handicap.  It is a handicap shared by all your relatives and forebears.  Transylvania's culture is overly self-indulgent to begin with, and that was true for you even more than for the 'average' person.  From the time you first drew breath, you were taught that due to your status, your needs should be paramount to everyone else's; that it was your divine right, if you will, to do whatever you pleased, no matter how damaging it may have been to someone else.  Combined with your inherently narcissistic personality, it is no wonder you behaved as you did."

She shook Her head.  "Your upbringing, while not _excusing _your actions, almost certainly affected them to a degree beyond your conscious control.  The same has been true of all your relatives who journeyed to my side before you.  Based on their behavior during their lifetimes, none of _them_ would have ever achieved eternal salvation, either."

Frank cringed at the word "either."

"However, it seemed somehow unfair to simply condemn people who had no real way of knowing how inappropriate and destructive everything they had ever been taught about life had truly been.  Accordingly, I did for them what I am about to do for you…I gave them a choice."

Frank looked at Her warily.  "A 'choice'?"  Suddenly, a light bulb went off in his head.  "That must be the 'alternatives for my afterlife' to which Orestes referred." 

"Yes, that is correct."  She fell silent, looking at him intently.

When She exhibited no particular inclination to continue, Frank finally asked, "What _is _this 'choice' I am to make?"

"I am going to give you a challenge…a challenge you will undoubtedly find more than a bit unpleasant.  Should you accept and meet that challenge, you will achieve salvation.  However, if you reject it, or if you attempt to meet it and fail, you will be condemned."

Frank paled slightly.  Before he could ask for elaboration, however, Riana spoke again.  "Before presenting you with the challenge, I should let you know exactly what 'salvation' and 'condemnation' will entail for you.  The reality of those spiritual states differs for each person.  In _your _case…" She gestured toward the ceiling.  "Take another look at the ceiling."

Frank looked at Her, confused.  Surely She knew he'd spent Goddess only knows how much time staring at the bloody ceiling while he'd waited for Her arrival.  Smiling, She said, "Just bear with me.  Look."

He looked up, and what he saw gave him a very pleasurable surprise.  Suddenly another figure, a young man with a curly mane of black hair, had joined each of the erotic couplings.  His eyes widened as the figures began to move.  Breathlessly he stared, transfixed, as he saw himself engulfed in ecstasy in a seemingly endless variety of ways, with an equally endless supply of gorgeous, passionate and skilled partners. 

It took Riana's voice for him to tear his eyes away from the bewitching sight.  "All right, Frank, I think you have the idea."

Reluctantly, he looked back at Her.  After a moment's silence, he asked a question to which he knew he really _didn't _want to know the answer.  "What would condemnation be like?"

Suddenly, Her smile seemed to take on an unsettling and very definitely unmerciful edge of menace.  "You tell me.  Based on what you just saw, what do _you _believe condemnation will be like?"

For a moment, Frank looked at her blankly.  Finally, he said, "No sex?"

The unnerving smile broadened.  "Really, Frank, I would have thought one of your intellectual gifts could have come up with a more insightful response.  Certainly 'no sex' is _part _of it, but there is more."

_Something worse than no sex?  _Fearfully he asked, "What else _is _there?"

She looked him straight in the eye as She answered.  "You will be continually besieged by a nonstop parade of desirable partners, all wanting nothing more than to have sex with you."

Frank tried to stifle a smile, thinking, "So far I fail to see the problem." 

"You didn't let me finish."  Frank blushed deeply and again attempted to empty his brain.

"As I said, you will have a continual supply of exceedingly desirable partners, all desiring _you.  _However, there will be a rather significant obstacle."  
  
Frank sat still as a statue, dreading what Riana was about to say.  He realized it would be quite the coup de grace.

"The problem will be that, no matter what they, or you, attempt to do, you will be unable to…perform."

Frank stared back at Her, aghast.  "_What?"_

She leaned back in the chair.  "You heard me.  You will be…impotent, although your actual sex drive will be intensified.  So not only will you be deprived of sex, you will be continually humiliated before all these gorgeous people.  Trust me when I say they will _not _be sensitive about your predicament." 

Frank was as white as a ghost.  _That _would be a horror beyond his wildest dreams.  He had no idea how he could ever _begin_ to cope with frustration and humiliation of that degree.  It didn't matter _what _the challenge was…scullery duty, cleaning the deities' golden robes, scrubbing toilets with his toothbrush…he'd do _anything._

Riana smiled.  "The challenge isn't quite as _domestic _as any of those things."

Frank sighed, giving up on trying to hide his thoughts.  "What _is _the challenge, then?"

The smile faded from Riana's face, and She looked at Frank with an air of complete gravity.  "I believe you remember Riff Raff."

Frank rolled his eyes.  "Yes, the name rings a bell."  _I wish it were a gong, and it was being rung using his head…_

Riana didn't comment on Frank's thought, although he could tell She was aware of it.  "Yes.  In any event, Riff Raff and his sister Magenta are going to be condemned to death, although they are, as yet, unaware of that fact.  They are currently under the mistaken impression they will get away with your murder."

Before Frank could stop himself, he blurted out, "Good.  That is as it should be."

Riana shrugged.  "Perhaps.  It was no more acceptable for them to take _your_ life than it was for you to take Eddie's.  However, your murder was perhaps as much beyond _their_ control as your behavior was frequently beyond your own."

Frank frowned.  "What are you saying?"

"Putting you and Riff Raff together was a recipe for disaster.  A person of monumental self-absorption and power, and a person of intense paranoia and insecurity who is highly resentful of his _lack _of power…it was inevitable your relationship would come to a bad end.  The two of you continually brought out the worst in each other, to an obviously dangerous degree." 

Frank was beginning to, yet again, dislike where this conversation was going.  "And the challenge is…"

"The challenge is to save Riff Raff and his sister from punishment for your death."

Frank was looking at Her in horror, but She did not pause.  "You alone are aware of the circumstance that can derail any defense they may attempt to put forward, and you alone can take steps to deal with it.  I will grant Riff Raff and the person you need to speak with on Transsexual the ability to see and hear you…but no one else.  It is up to you to determine which is more important…getting your revenge for what Riff Raff did to you, or attaining salvation for yourself.  For most people, it would be an easy choice; given your frequently vindictive nature, however, it is less clear-cut for you."

Attempting to stall for time, Frank asked, "Why do I need to speak with Riff Raff?  What I would need to do does not involve him."

Riana replied, "Riff Raff can be every bit as self-destructive as you.  Just as you will have difficulty making the decision to save him, _he _will have difficulty accepting your assistance.  Part of the challenge will be forcing him to overcome his pride and accept your help with some degree of graciousness.  If he is granted mercy by the person he destroyed, perhaps it will help to change his _own _self-destructive attitudes, and he will attain a more lasting salvation for himself.  As it stands, he is condemning himself the way your behavior during your lifetime condemned _you.  _Unlike you, he was raised to be considerate of others, although in his case the training was less than effective.  If he is put to death as punishment for your murder, there will be no eternal salvation for him." 

Riana obviously knew Frank better than he knew himself.  As he sat there, unhappily mulling his options, he could not help but think with malicious pleasure of Riff Raff being condemned to death, then being condemned _again _to eternal torment.  He entertained himself by thinking about the possible realities of _Riff Raff's _condemnation.  What would it be?  Certainly it would deal in some way with being continually humiliated by Frank for all of eternity – and although he, the "real" Frank, would undoubtedly not have the opportunity to take part, the notion still held vast appeal for him.

But on the other hand, of course, there was his _own _eternal torment to think about.   As much as he enjoyed the notion of Riff Raff suffering for all eternity – particularly if it were at "his" hands – those thoughts were continually pushed aside by visions of gorgeous men and women laughing cruelly and disdainfully at his failure to be able to satisfy them.  It had never happened during Frank's lifetime, and he couldn't imagine being able to deal with it now…and forevermore.

He had no idea how long he'd been sitting there, lost in thought, before he came to his hated decision.  In a hollow voice, he said, "I will attempt to save him."

Riana nodded.  "All right.  I shall give you a few hours to work out a plan before I send you to Riff Raff.  You may spend the time here."  With a wave of Her hand, the room was suddenly transformed into an opulent bedroom.  Smiling at him, She said, "I know this cannot qualify as 'paradise' as long as you are in this room alone, but I do not want you to be distracted by any outside forces.  If you meet this challenge, you shall more than make up for this temporary deprivation."  With those words, She vanished from his sight.

Frank sank down onto the bed and put his head in his hands.  This was a nightmare.

He tried to think of how best to approach Riff Raff, but a less constructive thought continually intervened.  

The voice echoed in his head…"The sex had better be as good as She promised, if I have to save that bastard to experience it…"


	3. A Conversation with My Killer

Author's note:  Sorry for the delay on this chapter…unfortunately I am not overloaded with time during the week, and I had a real problem getting started on this one.  Hopefully the rest of the story will come more easily.  And, again, thank you so much for the reviews!  

**********

When Riana finally returned, she smiled and asked Frank, "Are you ready?"

Frank sighed.  "I believe I have come up with an argument which will, in the end, virtually insure Riff Raff will accept my assistance.  However…"

Riana finished his sentence.  "You hate him so much, you don't know if you'll be able to bring yourself to save him once you see him face to face."

Frank, accustomed by now to Riana being able to read his thoughts, merely nodded unhappily.

For the first time, she gave him a genuinely sympathetic smile.  "Frank, allow me to give you a little food for thought.  Just think about how much you resent being forced to do something you strongly do not _want _to do.  Now think about the fact Riff Raff and his sister have spent the better part of their lives doing exactly that…_without_ any expectation of a wonderful reward afterward."

She paused, giving Frank the opportunity to consider what she had just said.  Finally, she asked, "Do you have any questions before you go?"

"Yes.  How will I get back here?"

Riana replied, "I will be monitoring you.  I will know if you need to go to Transsexual following your conversation with Riff Raff, and when you are ready to return here.  Do you have any other questions?"

Frank looked at her with anxiety shining through his eyes.  "Just one.  How did my ancestors do when presented with your challenges?"

Again, the sympathetic smile.  "Some succeeded.  Some did not.  Those that failed, however, failed because they _chose _to do so, not because they were incapable of success.  That fact is something else I want you to keep in mind."  She repeated her earlier question.  "Are you ready?"

Frank opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.  He cleared his throat, took a deep breath, and said in a rather choked voice, "Yes, I'm ready."

She nodded.  "Very well.  Good luck, Frank."  With that, she snapped her fingers…and for a moment, all went black.

When Frank could see again, he realized he was back in the castle, just outside of the ballroom.  The gentle hum of the castle's engines filled his ears, and he realized it was in flight, almost certainly back to Transsexual.  He started to walk toward the ballroom, when a jolt of panic stopped him.  Would he be forced to see his own body, still floating in the pool?

As he walked to the doorway, he was simultaneously relieved and livid.  Relieved because the curtains had been drawn, and the pool area was hidden from sight; livid because of what was all too visible.

Riff Raff was sitting on the throne, a glass filled with wine in one hand and an almost-empty bottle in the other.  A more than slightly drunken smile lit up his gaunt face, and he was mumbling incoherently.  Every now and then Frank could pick out a word, and what he heard did not help his mood in the slightest.

"Dead…all dead.  Did it.  Showed him…thought he was so smart…showed him."

On some level, Frank realized it would be far wiser to just say his piece, secure Riff Raff's acquiescence, and get the hell out of there; that the longer he was in Riff Raff's presence, the greater the chance Riff Raff would say something that would infuriate him so much, he would be unable to carry out his grudging mission of mercy.  However, as Frank well knew, Riff Raff was both a paranoid and a highly superstitious individual.  It could be _extremely _entertaining to toy with him for a while.  And, Goddess knows, Frank had never been able to resist doing something that could prove to be extremely entertaining.

With that delicious, if counter-productive, thought in mind, Frank walked into the ballroom and stood before his shocked former servant.  His elegant voice dripped with sarcasm.  "Oh, yes, you showed _me.  _You were quite the man, weren't you?"  He smiled grimly and raised an ironic eyebrow.  "So…_dominant."_

Riff Raff may have been in an advanced state of intoxication, but he sobered up in a hurry at the sight of the man he'd murdered just a few hours before.  Both the wine glass and the bottle slipped heedlessly from his hands as he stammered, "But…but…you're _dead."_

Frank rolled his eyes.  "Tell me something I _don't _know."  He looked down at the floor around the throne, where shattered glass and pools of wine glistened.  "You _really _should have been more careful, Riff Raff.  When _I _made a mess such as that one, I had two ever-_faithful _servants to clean it up for me.  I'm afraid you can't say the same."  

For a moment, Riff Raff simply stared at him, too frightened to utter a sound.  Finally, he whispered, "What do you want from me?"

_Besides your head on a silver platter?  _Frank tried to force that rather satisfying image from his brain.  "Now, Riff Raff, who's to say I _want _anything from you?  Perhaps I merely wanted to have a nice chat."

Riff Raff may have polished off almost an entire bottle of wine, but he wasn't drunk enough to believe _that _one for a minute.   However, he _was _drunk enough to have lost more than a few of his inhibitions.  A smile of unholy glee began to spread across his face as he remembered Frank's final minutes…the pathetic plea for his life, the panic-stricken climb up the curtain, the blood-curdling scream as he fell.  There was no need to cower before Frank any longer.  Frank couldn't do anything to him.  This whole encounter was probably the wine talking, anyway.

With an effort, he wiped the smile off his face and looked at his former master with an expression suggesting he was more than eager to accommodate Frank's every desire.  Frank's eyes narrowed; Riff Raff had certainly never looked at him that way while he, Frank, was still alive.

Finally, Riff Raff said, "If you want to chat…_Master…_we will chat."  He stared down at the floor and smiled.  "I may not have servants _now_ to clean up that mess, but I will soon enough.  I assure you, Magenta and I will be heroes when we return to Transsexual and tell the Court – and your mother - what happened here tonight."

Frank cocked an eyebrow.  "Oh, really?  How so?"

Riff Raff shook his head sadly.  "It was tragic, really.  And after all that work you did…"

Frank frowned.  "Kindly start making some sense.  What _are _you trying to say?"

Riff Raff's skull-like countenance practically _oozed _sympathy.  "It is no wonder you don't remember, Master.  The memory of how Rocky turned on you is undoubtedly _far _too painful."

Frank struggled to focus on the thought of those gorgeous nymphs and satyrs instead of surrendering to the fury he felt at the handyman's words – to no avail.  Riff Raff was going to blame _Rocky – _that beautiful creature, the living personification of Frank's genius, the culmination of his life's work – for Frank's death?  The _nerve _of him!  At that moment, Frank would have rather had a million gorgeous prospective lovers taunting him than to so much as lift a finger to save Riff Raff.

His rage was so powerful, in fact, that Frank expected to be returned to Riana's side immediately to begin his punishment.  However, to his surprise, he remained right where he was.  Apparently Riana was not quite ready to give up on him.  The realization helped him regain some semblance of control.

In a deliberately calm, steady voice, he said, "If I am unable to remember what happened, Riff Raff, perhaps you can fill me in.  I would be _most _appreciative."

Riff Raff smiled.  "With pleasure…Master."  He tried to get up, but promptly lost his balance and plopped right back down onto the throne.  Abandoning the effort, he leaned forward slightly and began to speak.

"You were here in the ballroom with your laser, engaging in a bit of target practice on the statues.  Unfortunately, because you were concentrating so hard, you failed to see or hear Rocky approach behind you.  He hit your arm, causing you to lose your grip on the laser.  He then grabbed the laser.  You apparently recognized him as a threat, and began to run.  However, he shot you in the back, killing you instantly."  Riff Raff shook his head, wiping nonexistent tears from his eyes.

"Columbia, Magenta and I heard your scream as you attempted to flee from your attacker.  Although I made a quick detour to grab my own laser, thinking I might need it to defend you, Magenta and Columbia were so frantic to get to you that they ran directly to the ballroom.  Sadly, Rocky promptly shot and killed Columbia as well.  He had just turned toward Magenta when, by the grace of the Goddess, I arrived.  I was able to get into position and kill him before he could wreak any further havoc."

Frank's face and voice were emotionless.  "So that is how I died?"

Riff Raff smiled.  "Either that, or your two 'faithful servants' finally got so tired of being whipped, abused, ordered about and taken for granted that they decided to take matters into their own hands."  The smile faded, and he looked back at Frank with an innocent expression.  "However, personally I'm going with the ' Rocky went berserk' story.  It is _so _much more inspiring."

For a long moment, Frank stood in silence as he again fought a wave of blinding rage.  However, once he managed to calm down, he realized the time had come to regain control of this encounter.  In other words, it was time to give Riff Raff the bad news.

_This will almost make everything worthwhile…_


	4. Some Cold, Hard Truths

Much to Riff Raff's confusion and discomfort, a strangely knowing smile slowly lit up Frank's face.  Riff Raff recognized that expression, and the faintest tinge of fear began to work its way through his alcohol-fogged brain.  Whenever Frank smiled that way, it meant he knew something Riff Raff did not…and that "something" invariably meant trouble for Riff Raff.

Finally, Frank spoke.  "That is, indeed, quite an inspiring story.  You should be proud.  I am certain the videodisc images of your heroism captured by the security system will be broadcast throughout Transylvania time and time again.  I _do_ hope you are prepared to deal with the rigors of fame."

Riff Raff relaxed a bit.  Yet again, Frank wasn't as smart as he _thought _he was.  "Unfortunately, as I have reported back to Transsexual during my last few communiqués, the cameras trained on the ballroom have been…malfunctioning, so it is doubtful there is any visual record of what transpired.  Quite unfortunate, really."

Frank's smile, however, didn't falter.  "The cameras have been malfunctioning?  How did you manage to make _that_ determination?"

Riff Raff did not find Frank's apparently unshaken confidence the least bit reassuring.  In a slightly hesitant voice, he replied, "Well…I reviewed the videodisc, and found it had recorded nothing but static."

Frank's smile was now openly victorious.  "Now _did _you?  How…_interesting_.  However, these cameras are considerably more advanced than any you have likely encountered before.  They possess an interesting capability of which you are apparently unaware."

Riff Raff tried to sound unconcerned.  "What capability would that be?"

Frank crossed his arms.  "As an additional security measure to prevent tampering, they _also_ transmit the images and sound back to Transsexual, and they are recorded to videodisc _there _as well."  Frank turned and waved in the direction of the cameras, then turned back to Riff Raff with an expression of mock disappointment on his face.  "I forgot…my image cannot be picked up by the cameras.  What a pity…" He sighed in resignation, but the smile quickly returned to his face.  "So, my dear servant, I believe you have a problem.  A record of what _truly _happened is enshrined on videodisc back on the very planet toward which you are heading even as we speak.  And to make things even _more _difficult for you, the Security Coordinator for the Royal Family, the person responsible for storing the transmissions from the cameras, just happens to be a very dear friend of mine, so he cannot be bribed or coerced…and I cannot believe even _you _would be foolish enough to attempt to harm him.  Even if you _did, _he does not work alone…and, trust me, you would never be able to find the proper videodisc without assistance."  Frank shook his head.  "I must admit, I failed to realize you were capable of such detailed planning.  Your idea to report a non-existent 'malfunction' to make sure nobody would be suspicious if there were no videodisc of what actually happened in that ballroom was quite impressive.  You know what they say about the best laid plans, however…"    

Riff Raff, pale to begin with, lost what little skin tone he had.  With a highly unconvincing laugh, he said, "You are just saying that to frighten me, because you cannot bear the thought I will not only get away with killing you, but will actually profit from it."

Frank's smile faded.  "I cannot deny the thought of you getting away with what you did is not a particularly enjoyable one."  He paused and tried to steel himself for what he was about to do.  This task was even harder than he thought it would be.  Finally, he took a deep breath and said, "However, that being said, I am offering to help you.  Just say the word, and I will tell my friend to describe the events recorded on the videodisc just as you described them to me.  My mother trusts him implicitly.  If his version of what happened agrees with your own, you will escape punishment."

Riff Raff looked at him in complete shock and disbelief.  "Why would you do _that_?"

Frank wasn't about to offer an explanation to Riff Raff.  "I have my reasons."

For a long moment, Riff Raff sat in silence.  When he spoke, however, his voice rang with anger, not gratitude.

"You're bluffing.  There _is _no second videodisc on Transsexual, and you know it.  You merely want me to fall down on my knees before you, degrading myself, sobbing in gratitude for this supposed 'favor' you are going to do me.  I hate to disappoint you, but that is not going to happen.  My days of humiliating myself before you are most assuredly _over_."  He sneered.  "I _greatly _appreciate your offer of assistance, but I must turn you down.  I _do _hope you understand."

Frank was not entirely surprised by this reaction.  In an uncharacteristically soft voice, he said, "Oh, yes.  I understand.  Riana told me you would likely be resistant to accepting assistance from me."

Riff Raff's eyes widened.  "Riana?  Her Divine Goddess?"

Frank nodded.  "Yes."

Riff Raff shook his head angrily.  "Now I _know _you are bluffing.  Surely Riana would not waste Her time with the likes of you."

Not for the first time during their conversation, Frank was sorely tempted to just give up, admit failure, and leave Riff Raff to his fate.  _No…I have come this far.  I cannot allow him to defeat me again."_

He looked at Riff Raff and said, "You are willing to bet your _life_ that I am, as you put it, 'bluffing'?"

Riff Raff looked back at him defiantly.  "Yes."

Frank smiled slightly and nonchalantly played his trump card.  "And you are willing to bet your _sister's _life, as well?"

That question briefly stopped Riff Raff in his tracks.  "My _sister's_ life?"

Frank rolled his eyes.  "Of course.  Whatever your fate will be – good or bad – I can guarantee Magenta will share it."  He smiled suggestively.  "Everyone knows you and she are partners in _all _respects."

Riff Raff's shoulders sagged, and he slumped down into the throne.  Merely by his body language, Frank could read his thoughts…_If it turns out Frank **isn't **bluffing, and my refusal to accept his assistance costs not only my life, but Magenta's as well…I will blame myself for all of eternity._

At last, Riff Raff repeated the question he'd asked earlier, but with a new seriousness.  "Why are you offering to do this?  Why are you willing to save Magenta and me?  Such behavior is…not like you."

Frank could not help but smile at such a monumental understatement.  After giving it some thought, he finally answered, "It is a matter of salvation, for myself as much as for you, and that is all you need to know.  So…do you wish me to speak with my friend, or do you wish to take your chances?"

Riff Raff's facial expression was that of a trapped animal.  He opened and closed his mouth several times, but no sound emerged.  At last, he said quietly, "I would greatly appreciate your speaking with your friend."

Frank struggled to hide a triumphant smile.  He'd done it!  Bring on the nymphs and satyrs!  However, the more he thought about Riana's words, the more that feeling of triumph began to fade.  He engaged in a brief debate with himself, and finally decided if he were going to play savior, he might as well do it right.  He had no particular desire to do any more favors for Riff Raff, to put it mildly, but he never liked to leave things half finished.  And this way, if Riff Raff _did _eventually wind up in the throes of eternal torment – which, knowing Riff Raff, was hardly out of the realm of possibility – at least nobody could say Frank hadn't given him fair warning.

_And, well…perhaps I **was** a bit overly hard on him and his sister._

"I stand corrected…there _is _one more thing you should know."

Riff Raff looked at him warily.  "What, pray tell, is that?"

Frank caught the suspicious tone in Riff Raff's voice and prayed for patience.  _You just can't do a favor for some people…_

Taking a deep breath, he said, "According to Riana, unless you take this opportunity to change your ways, my saving you now is merely a temporary reprieve from a far worse fate later.  If you do not begin to treat people with decency and respect, you will be condemned to eternal torment…and those are not my words, they are Riana's."  He shrugged.  "Whether you believe me or not is your choice…but I have no reason to lie."

Riff Raff considered Frank's words.  If Frank had told him to be as vicious and underhanded as possible in his dealings with others, that would have been one thing…but surely no harm could come to him from treating people well.  Perhaps Frank really _was _telling the truth.

At last, Riff Raff said, "Thank you for the warning."  His tone of voice made it clear that sentence had cost him dearly.

Frank smiled faintly and nodded.  _Should I offer an apology for how I treated him and Magenta?_

No.  That wasn't going to happen.  Saving the two of them had been difficult enough; if they expected any more from him, well, that was too bad.  He wasn't going to humble himself even further by apologizing.  On some level, deep down, he was vaguely sorry…surely that was sufficient.

Instead, he looked at Riff Raff and said merely, "You're welcome.  Good luck."  And, in the blink of an eye…he was gone, leaving a perplexed – and still inebriated - handyman in his wake.


	5. Epilogue

When one is dealing with eternity, the passage of time has no meaning.  Accordingly, Frank had no idea how long he had been in Paradise, indulging in any and every possible erotic act, when Orestes suddenly appeared to him.

"Hello, Frank.  May I have a word with you?"

Frank, who had just completed a rather strenuous session with two nubile and exceedingly limber young partners – one male and one female – was willing to take a break.  "Certainly."

Orestes handed him a robe, which Frank donned as he followed Orestes out the door of his chambers.  Once they were in the hallway, Orestes said, "There are two new arrivals who would like to see you.  Do you mind?"

Frank was both confused and intrigued.  "No, not at all."

He followed Orestes down a seemingly endless succession of hallways, until they arrived at a room similar to the one that had greeted Frank immediately after his own death.  Looking through the doorway, Frank saw a very familiar couple…a skeletal man with long, thin blond hair falling from his bald pate, and an attractive woman with a mane of long, frizzy auburn curls.  Frank's eyes widened; they looked exactly the same as they had the last time he'd seen them.  

Frank walked over to the twosome and gave them a slightly puzzled smile.  "Riff Raff.  Magenta.  How long has it been?"

Riff Raff answered, "About 150 years or so."  Noting Frank's confusion, he added, "Apparently when one dies, one is restored to his or her peak physical condition."

Frank stifled a laugh as he looked at Riff Raff.  _Are you saying that's as good as it gets for you?  _However, he merely nodded with understanding.  "I see.  So since I died young, my appearance did not change."

Riff Raff also nodded, somewhat uncomfortably.  "Yes, that's right."

Frank stood in silence, waiting for either Riff Raff or Magenta to say something to explain why they had asked to see him.  When no comment from either of them seemed to be forthcoming, he asked, "How is it you are now here…together, no less?"

Riff Raff replied, "We were in a hovercar crash…hit head on by a drunk driver, as it happened."

Frank wasn't sure how to respond.  "Oh.  I'm sorry."  He actually didn't particularly care, one way or the other, but it seemed the polite thing to say.

Riff Raff shrugged.  "As long as we died together, we didn't mind.  We had managed to live a good life."  He paused a moment, then added, "That is why we asked to see you.  We just wanted to thank you for giving us the time and opportunity to save ourselves before it was too late.  Because of what you did, we now have the chance to be happy and together until the end of time."

Frank was again at a loss for words.  Finally, he replied, "I am pleased things worked out for you."

Much to his surprise, he realized he meant what he said.  Riana had given _him _the chance to make up for all the mistakes he'd made during his life, and suddenly it seemed oddly appropriate that he had done the same for his two servants.  And, he admitted to himself, it felt good to realize he'd gotten past the anger and resentment he'd felt toward Riff Raff and Magenta after his murder.  Of course it wasn't as if he wanted to start hanging out with them or anything…however, he was quite certain they had no desire to hang out with _him, _either.  He smiled at the thought.

Riff Raff and Magenta smiled back at him.  Knowing there was really nothing else to be said, Riff Raff said, "We don't want to keep you…we just wanted to offer our thanks."

"You're welcome.  Have a good afterlife."

Heading back to his chambers, Frank reflected on how everything had turned out.  Perhaps he _should _have apologized for his behavior…but then again, Riff Raff had never apologized for killing him, so it all evened out.  In the end, it didn't matter.  Everyone got what he or she wanted…

…and the Time Warp would go on forever.     

********************

A postscript…to anyone who is displeased I didn't condemn Frank to a horrible fate…I'm sorry, but, well, I just didn't want to.  I tried to be faithful to the spirit of the source material, but at the same time I wanted to provide some salvation for a character I happen to adore, despite his flaws.  It's a fine line, and I walked it to the best of my ability.  At any rate, allow me to offer a final "thank you" to those who read this…and particularly to those who went to the trouble to provide feedback.   


End file.
